AT LEAST

DAMAGING WORDS FOR A MUSLIM

At least I pray.

At least I cover my hair.

At least I donate money.

At least I don’t sleep around.

The list goes on and on and on.

The moment the phrase at least is uttered, more times than not, they’re words of false reassurances and reconfirmations for the speaker.

Consequently, it reveals a questionable or weakness in character.

INEXCUSABLE DEFENSIVE TACT

Using at least is to draw a comparison or parallel, to or with something or someone, of “lesser quality”.

Starting an argument with that phrase (be it to ourselves or others) is a reflection on the comparer. Often, inadvertently, it discloses an undesirable character or characteristic, along with an unreasonable tendency to react impetuously or indignantly because hurt feelings took the place of better judgement.

It’s in defence of one’s flaws.

Justifying questionable actions, words or silences, without rational explanations, instead resorting to making comparisons with those lacking, hinders living honestly, and is a diversion from the straight path.

Not minimising emotions, the heart, particularly a wounded or sensitive one, should never rule the mind; one should never act or speak before thinking.

Our emotions are momentary and subjective bodily responses in reaction to a cause be it an action, or lack of, and/or words: anger, defensiveness, guilt, hurt, joy, shame, surprise, etc.

REVEALING MORE THAN YOU THINK

For starters, it reveals an inadequacy and negation.

Measuring oneself with someone committing a “wrong” brings to light one’s unfavourable principles and self beliefs, setting a low precedence with no room for growth or healing.

Rationalising a wrongdoing by comparing oneself to the “worst”, as opposed to the better, due to a deficiency in quality or not fulfilling a responsibility or duty, is indicative of superiority. This leads to an insidious deep vacuum of denial and self-deception, merely to feel better by falsely convincing oneself that no wrong is committed.

If one resorts to this, at least I: I don’t swear, I do my part, volunteer my time, it means the CHOICE is to look down on someone rather than look up to someone. The latter’s not favourable for some as it may open a Pandora’s Box that might be difficult to close again – dark, unpleasant and ugly truths about ourselves that we want to keep locked away in the shadows behind bolted iron doors instead of assimilating with them.

Introspecting and scrutinising our own silences, sayings and doings is tasking.

If we convince ourselves enough, we soon end up believing and becoming our own deception.

It’s easier to respect Muslims – or anyone for that matter – who are transparent and honest about their shortcomings or remain silent about them than those who use others to vindicate their own.

Inner Contradications

Kind and cruel, empathic and cold, generous in one area but stingy in another, zealous about global injustices whilst being unjust to those under our roof, speaking of rights whilst abusing our own (bodily) rights, upholding in one domain (e.g. work) whilst neglectful in another (e.g. health), being “proud” to be a Muslim whilst not living Islâm, and so on.

Most of us are walking contradictions, embodying conflicting traits, and embracing this simple truth about ourselves, our parents, dear ones, friends, those we respect, acquaintances, allows room for intellectual honesty about who we are without constantly voicing what we stand for, instead doing so through our consistent and committed deeds, where our actions drown out the loudest voices even our own.

There’s nothing wrong with this once we accept it as a liberating truth because it allows us to speak less through words and more with our actions, revealing only what we want to expose to others, hopefully becoming more discerning along the way.

We become silent walking portfolios of deeds we choose to resonate.

Through self-observation we gain knowledge and clarity about ourselves, which then leads to self-awareness by being conscious of our thoughts, words and deeds – self-awareness is non-existent without first observing ourselves with full transparency and honesty.

However, self-awareness doesn’t necessary translate to betterment, growth or healing. Self-acknowledgement is necessary for us to accept who we are innately and take reflective responsibility for ourselves without excuses, justifications or rationalisations. Only then are we able to realise our true selves with all our pleasant and unpleasant, healing and unhealing temperaments, tendencies and traits.

When we don’t acknowledge our contradictions and leave our ugliness unintegrated, dark thoughts may loom over us and shame may engulf us when our thoughts, words and deeds are misaligned.

When we grasp this, this is when transformation can take place freeing us from hiding behind phrases (at least), protests or selective practises. We’re not denying, escaping or masking our contradictions. They’re here to stay like a “frenemy” reminding us to stay or return to being conscious, conscientious and congruent. We become fully aware of our ways and selectively disclose what we want to share with others by choice, without double-standards, hypocrisy or misaligned thoughts, words and deeds.

Transformation can never take place without confronting and owning our ugliness, contradictions and inner conflicts – without self-loathing, judgement, despondency or being fixated on them – because only then can we integrate and neutralise them knowing when they arise (neglecting the body, during stress, conflicts, etc.) and when they’re behaving (hint: when take care of our faith, heart, mind, body, energy, thoughts, words, deeds and surroundings.)

A BETTER PERSON

Individuals and communities seeking improvement always compare themselves with those they can learn from and of exemplifying character, characteristic or wisdom.

Before we defend the error of our ways with at least, analysing why we do so is the wiser option. If we can‘t, then we need to stop and think about it or remain silent if we choose not to change for the better or seek true transformation.

Courageous individuals are willing to gaze into the mirror (figuratively and literally) with a critical eye to face up to personal challenges and blemishes and reflect on their deeds and words, or lack of.

They embrace objective, neutral and factual self-critique for clarity, growth and alignment.

There will always be people who are more, and less, fortunate than we are. Thus, we compare ourselves to those who are less fortunate as a reminder, and in gratitude, for the blessings and bounties in our lives.

Better still, we aim to compare ourselves with those of higher qualities and deeds to aspire for self-betterment and push ourselves in that direction. In turn, we end up contributing to the ummah (Muslim nation) and the world through a resonating character.

Character Definition

We seek and attain growth and healing (after healing from ALLÂH ﷻ) through applicable knowledge and intentional implementation as well as surrounding ourselves with those we can learn from, and of exemplifying character.

We need not look elsewhere for inspiration or comparison for we’re fortunate as Muslims to have the BEST, starting with the epitome of character, our Beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, his companions and wives رضوان الله عليهم, Prophets and Messengers عليهم السلام, and noble Muslims.

Ultimately, the purpose for our creation is one: THE FREE WILL TO CHOOSE TO OBEY THE ONE AND ONLY GOD OR NOT.

If we choose the former, we need to be mindful of the lives we lead, how we lead them and the influence we will have on others. This includes removing the phrase at least – or its equivalent with the same intention (like try) to make excuses, justifications and rationalisations – from our vocabulary to explain away our deficiencies.

Only the dishonest deign to that level.

Our vocabulary is similar to a habit in that the more they’re voiced and repeated, the more they assimilate into life with ease. Be aware that our words shape our thoughts and vice versa, and they both will have an impact on our action, behaviour, character and deeds. Think of them as skills to enhance.

Genuine character growth, definition and resonance is a reflection and representation of our heart – faith, core beliefs, feelings, inner truth, proactive principles, self-talk – devoid of any dichotomies.

Honing our character defines who we are in heart, mind, body, behaviour, deed and energy.

We want to always aim for perpetual learning and growth, for a resonating character, through better deeds, words and thoughts, until we return to ALLÂH ﷻ.

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